The Sum of Perfect Parts
A nuclear bomb just hit the NBA. Body parts are everywhere. Aliens have just arrived (mean ones) and challenge Earth to a game of 1 on 1. Your mission is to assemble the best basketball player out of any of the spare parts left, to create the one perfect basketball player.
So who’s…
Head – basketball smarts/mind
Eyes – court vision
Mouth – leadership
Arm – shooting stroke
Torso – strength
Hands – handle
Thighs – vertical/hops
Feet – speed/quickness
from the current day NBA are you using to create the super NBA player? How about all time NBA players? What’s his temperament? Is he all team (Magic), quiet winner (Russell/Bird), maniacal competitor (Jordan), asshole (Kobe), a tad crazy (Vernon Maxwell/Spree/Artest)?
Go!
Courtside Notes 
naturalbornanalysts 9:49 am on October 18, 2012 Permalink |
Well my first job is to make him look good (sorry LeBron’s receding hairline) … so Im taking my boy Ricky Rubio’s hair and putting it on. Now that we have that sorted here is my CURRENT superstar:
Head – Kobe… he would eat these Aliens for breakfast. You cant be friendly to these creatures coming to take over your Hardwood, so you have to go Arnie on them… bring in Kobe and his purple and gold bazooka.
Eyes – Nash… Im certain that even at the tender age of 57 or whatever he is, he still has 20-20 vision, and Im giving him the nod over guys like CP3 and Rondo here.
Mouth – Who do I want barking orders? You know it…. KG. I want him screaming and doing knuckle push ups to intimidate these scared little ET’s.
Arms – KD… no doubt about it… he has the sweetest stroke I have seen on a court… the release is perfection.
Torso – Dwight Howard…. guy is on Ox… if he would just post up and stop trying to be the most popular man in the world he would do damage that would have SHAQ rolling in his grave.
Hands – Rondo… this guys hands are huge… he does things with the ball you could only dream of doing in the backyard, except he is in front of however many million at the NBA Finals (can we add kahoonas too? because he would take out this category as well).
Thighs – LeBron (Sorry Blake) … Im taking the tree trunks here… even when cramping.
Feet- Rose Pre Injury… the ability to move laterally while barely letting his feet touch the court always amazed me and I think would be an ideal match up for the Alien’s teleporting abilities (yeah im pretty sure they could teleport.)
So having said that…. This is what my alien destroying machine looks like… kind of like an alien.
Ball is in your court.
jk41 1:43 am on October 19, 2012 Permalink |
Alright if we’re gonna start with hair, I might go with the James Harden mohawk (beard optional). Although I’d love a Dr. J afro also!
Head – Really can’t go past Kobe here…he’s shown how mentally tough he can be and has been over the years…through all the ups and downs he’s been smart about it (staying in LA, never ceding the alpha dog status etc.)
Eyes – J-Kidd …I could’ve gone ol’ Steve here too. Kidd fits the same bill–even at 57 you can always get some Horace Grant goggles to correct your vision.
Mouth – CP3…when you watch him on the court, he never shuts up! Talking to his teammates, his coach, the refs…just non-stop! And he’s got the Clips on a leash from Day 1 of showing up..
Arms – RayRay…he’s getting old, but its just so beautiful. Jesus was meant to just hoist the rock all day.
Torso – Lebron…I think pound for pound and for his size, he’s just too much for everybody. I agree on Dwight though, he’s overall biggest and strongest.
Hands – DRose…love his crossover, its a combination of his speed as well, but he has great hands..
Thighs – Gerald Green…Random, but he can get up there! And I just love this clip:
Feet – Russell Westbrook…When he takes off down the court its an absolute blur, and he’s got this combination of quickness and fast that just makes him look even more quicker and faster!
And if we’re including Kahoonas too I’m going with Kobe Bean Bryant. Since Jordan, I would say he’s hit the most game winners / go ahead baskets. Didn’t look it up but it just seems right.
And just quickly with my All-Timers:
Head – MJ (killer)
Mouth – Gary Payton (trash talk)
Arms – Bird
Torso – Malone / Barkley
Hands – Magic
Thighs – Dr. J / MJ
Feet – AI (practice?)
Who you got All-Time?
naturalbornanalysts 12:07 pm on October 21, 2012 Permalink |
Good one… I originally had Jesus Shuttlesworth but then scrubbed him for the Durantula.
All time:
Head – MJ agreed.
Mouth – REGGIE… I want to be choke signing all of the Alien supporters.
Arms – Im going really random here… Earl the Pearl Monroe… just watched the Black Magic documentary and its in my head. The guy never missed.
Torso – Wilt… he was a bull… worked out with Arnie… enough said.
Hands – Yeah I have to give it to Magic here to… the way he moved the ball was incredible
Thighs – DR J as well… revolutionised getting to the rim.
Feet – This one is tough… AI is a good pick. Nate Archibald? Nah stick with AI
jk41 12:13 am on October 24, 2012 Permalink |
Well it’s good to know that we can always stitch together body parts of past and present players to……well, it’d be just a big mess really!
Enough on this topic!
JK